Na wa oh.... orisirisi

Nigerians and their "white is best mentality".

I was reading Jeremy’s blog today about someone running Project Management workshops in naija and one of his public sector client in the audience stood up to ask " where are the white trainers". Can you believe it? In this age and time, some people still have this mentality that anything good has to come from oversees and must be white. This is a slavery mentality, Inferiority complex and a complete mockery of what being Nigerian and black is all about. When would Nigerians begin to support and trust their own? Let the trainer's handiwork speak for itself. You only need 5mins to decide weather the person in front of you is any good. These are trainers that have worked aboard, with several multinationals and even trained this same "white people". This mentality has nothing to do with illiteracy, 'cos these are educated people and infact; if you dig deeper, you will find out that they studied abroad. I found this quite interesting 'cos myself and a partner plan to do run similar workshops in naija next year and this is one area we have been debating on and how to move forward with this expectation. Any ideas?

Infidelity - our naija men

I am not in anyway, saying all naija men are cheats here; this is just something that I have been thinking about, since I spoke to a very good friend of mine over the weekend. About a year ago, she broke up with her boyfriend of 5yrs, but she never really gave me all the dirty stories behind it. Apparently, she stopped trusting the guy. She has never caught him cheating, but there have been several rumours of him cheating with many girls behind her back. The bobo keeps denying it, each time she confronts him and she has never had any evidence to support the allegations. Anyway, the last straw was when he found out that he has dabbling in illegal activities, known as "olodu". She just could not handle it. Anyway, this brings me to my ex-boyfriend, who I dated before I met my now husband. This guy cheated on me, told me and then expected me take part responsibility for it. Firstly, I was too in love with him to believe he cheated on me, but worse was he expecting me to take responsibility for it. My people, I did not get it, and I still don't get it. I was so mad. Fortunately for him, it was a long distance relationship, I lived in the UK and he lived in America, I would have slapped his dirty mouth a few times. ( I am not a violent person, but heart break can invoke anything). I have never loved anyone like this guy, I cried so much, I nearly passed out. I remember going to work everyday and coming back home, sit in front of my TV, playing some really sad songs and cried and cried. I nearly died. I could not tell confide in anyone. I was always known as the hard one, the sensible one that takes no nonsense. I could not just admit that I have been fooled. On one of my very low days, a hosted a bridal shower in my flat and we started talking about infidelity, together with about 15 female friends and one of them said " infidelity is not enough reason to leave a man" I was so shocked, I could not believe that in this day and age, a young 24-25yrs girl will stick to a boyfriend after he had cheated. What is there to work out? How do you move on? How can you trust him? Can you ever be happy? Is love really forgiving?

Anyway, you want to know what I did. I found out who the girl was, went on a naija social networking site, which I knew she was registered and dropped a few messages for her. The annoying thing was that the girl knew I was in the picture. She even pretended she was pregnant for my ex-, which is why I heard about the whole thing. The sad thing was that my ex- big sister knew about the affair. The encouraged him, ‘cos according to him, she said “her parents are rich and she is an American citizen”. You know what, this drove me mad. I am glad I did not stick with him. His sisters is a real loser for saying such a thing and imagine having her for a sister in-law. I can’t even imagine what his mother will say if his sister can say such a thing. Anyway, my friend that said infidelity was not enough to leave a man, I just concluded that she was either a razz, insecure or her family background is just messed up. I mentally kept my distance from her. Obirin ti o ro ara re pin( a woman with low self-esteem).

I also told mum about the whole thing, I mean the boyfriend cheating and all she said was that I trust that I was smart enough to make the right decision. I have never felt so close to my mum.

If you ever stuck to a man after he cheated on you, please I want to hear from you. I don't believe it is possible to be happy in such a relationship, but I beg to be proven wrong.