Everything is not all it ever seems. I just found out that one of my best friends is being violent with her husband. I don't mean the shoving and pushing fights, I mean the hitting her husband and throwing things at him. I am very shocked, not just because I ever thought she was like that, but because they are "serious Christians". I was very surprise and it all goes to show that one should never judge a book by its cover. One of their biggest challenges is money and the wife- my friend is extremely lazy. I just don't get it, why a woman or anyone would wait for someone else to fend for them. I can not imagine my life without making my own money and having my own income. I can not imagine, my life without a career; even if I have 100 kids. I will always work. My mother worked all her life and at 51, she is back to school, taking her accounting qualifications that she did not complete 'cos she fell pregnant. She raised three children herself, without any financial support from any man. My Christian friend is spoilt and she comes for a "well to do family"...which is not an excuse not to buckle up when things become difficult. I have tried talking her a few times, but she always seems to want her husband to bring in the money. I think her parents are slightly disappointed that she did not marry a "rich guy" and they are partly to blame, 'cos heaven knows that I will never bring up my kids to be lazy. Laziness and not wanting to be something in life is a curse on its own. My husband is not rich but he is extremely hard working and refuses to let me pay any household bills, but I will never stop working. I don't wait for him to buy stuff in the house, book holidays, and give money to my friends or family and our relationship works well. We have never fought about money, we maintain separate accounts and he is not interested in what I do with my money; as long as I am not excessive. One thing is certain, he is confident that I can run all the expenses in the house, not matter what happens to him. He knows that all bills can be paid, should he not be able to do so and he knows that I am a serious saver. I don't take "good times" for granted, because I know there will always be hard times. I have experienced it in the past and I am always looking ahead, praying, and planning working for tomorrow.
My home is Nigeria; the west is like a going to the farm for me, I must take home all the harvest and I must not waste my youth being idle!!!!!!!!! What will I take back home?
I am very sad about my friend, 'cos I love her so much, but I am very disappointed. I know there are always two sides to a story, but the fundamental issue is that she is lazy and she uses her children as an excuse not to buckle up and make something out of her own life. When her children are old enough, what would they look up to; a stay-at-home mummy? I am not disrespecting stay- at-home mums, because they do a fantastic job, but if you can not afford to do so, then you must get out the house and bring money home. You children will not thank you if you can not put clothes on their backs or put food on their plates. Her husband is moving around with alot of burden, 'cos he needs help and he needs her to buckle up and sort herself out; but she is not willing to do so. I am very sad and I really want to talk to her. My husband says I should mind my own business, but these people are very dear to me and sometimes, I don't believe in this Yoruba mentality/Nigerian mentality that “married people should be left alone". If I am messing up, I want to believe that any of my good friends can call me to order, with love and in my quiet times, I will reflect on what I was told. What should I do guys? Have a chat with my friend about her career and kick her butt out of the house, to a meaningful career?
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8 comments:
things r never the same. it's sad that some women can really let go at a time and age, when women r all rising up to challenges in the world. but again, people are different. like years ago in school, when we resumed second semester, we noticed a popular face was absent. on asking, we heard she dropped out cos her dad refused to sponsor her. we were shocked. for we were all doing part time, and the whole point of it,was cos we were working, so we could put ourselves through school. and she refused to get a job and help herself. there are people like that all over the world, who forever wants to depend on someone.
u blogged this post twice? hope u dont delete the one wt my comment. lol
....as we lay our beds, so we lie on them.
A man should be man enough to take charge of his.
What do you want to talk to her about? That she is lazy, physically abusive, or both? If you want to discourage her laziness, maybe a letter would help, but to tackle the physical abusive you might have to gather a group of other close friends or people she respects that can be discreet.
But, if your Husband doesn't want you to get involved, that is worth considering. I have a friend who went through 'something' and listened to my husband's suggestion to stay out of it. It's been 4 years and I thank God all the time that I listened. No matter how well we know our friends, we sometimes do not know them as well as we think.
Anyway, sorry for the long speech. I wish you luck on whatever decision you make. It won't be easy. Take care and god bless.
NIGERIAN CURIOSITY
IT WAS SO MUCH EASIER WHEN I ONLY HAD ONE...
ummm. dunno. it all depends on how close you are to her.
for my inner inner caucus, i wld deftly say something esp if she is in the wrong. other than that, mum's the word! :-)
your friends situation is interesting, because you usually here about the man being abusive, not the woman. We women complain about not having a good man, then when we get one we dont even know how to treat them.Oh well, i've learned not to take panadol for anyones headache....
I really like this line "Nigeria is my home. The west is like a farm for me.." Im going to have to borrow that!!
Have a blessed week!
It is not a Yoruba mentality o. The girl is just a spoilt brat.It's rathere sad that the gotl is being abusive to her husband. I think someone needs to lock her up in a room an throw things at her then she'll know how it feels. If the husband can do it, he should move out of the house for a month and see how she'll cope if she can't be bothered to move her lazy ass! I think she'll push her husband to the wall one day. Get some close friends to talk to her.
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